“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night…”
Within every family there is dark matter, lurking unseen, causing odd interactions, hinting at past grief, provoking reactions that are out of kilter with the facts, altering memories into a dark twist of reality, coloring relationships.
When we are fledglings, our roots just beginning to draw life from our family’s fertile soil, we don’t know what this darkness is. Unwittingly, we are infected. As we grow older, we see the truth.
Christ helps us do this; he makes us aware that something is broken.
He sheds light. The Lord sees it all.
We become aware of the black hole, a space around which the family interacts. Everyone circles the hole, skirting some unknown fact. If we begin to ask those around the precipice, we discover the whys. We trace the effects of the great destroyer—bitterness—in the lives of the broken. We find the source and learn how deeply we are affected. Secrets cannot remain hidden.
“Be careful! Don’t leave town,” says our fearful parent whose sibling was killed before their eyes when they left town. Each time we leave the house, their fear washes over us. We grow up with a phobia of traveling or leaving the house at all.
“Lock up the chemicals!” says our anxious parent whose cousin drank gasoline left in a pan as his father worked on the car, ending the baby’s life and changing everyone in the family. We grow up paranoid; we obsessively double-check; we lean toward OCD.
Does God use the dark stuff? Yes. Nothing is hidden or outside his control. Nothing is obscure or unknown. He orchestrates the dark matter for our good. The broken parts cause us to realize our need for Christ. The residual wounds drive us to his arms. Nothing is pointless. Nothing is wasted. All is used for our good.
From these weak spots come our greatest strengths as we grow, rely on Christ, overcome, and use the oddly-shaped parts for God’s glory. The broken places allow us to minister to other wounded humans. We are all damaged. What are the quirks that came from mysterious sources and from which your greatest strengths have grown? How do they shape the unique beauty of your person?
“…even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you” (Psalm 139:11-12 ESV).
Oh, yes! Melinda, this is SO VERY well spoken! You know that I know exactly what you are talking about, knowing these very circumstances. Yet, I also know that these truths apply to all families, just as you say! Thank you for putting it all into words! It helps so very much to bring the past to the Light! Jesus is the Light (John 8:17). Thank you for the very appropriate scriptures, too. “Thy Word is Truth” (John 17:17).
I don’t know your specifics, but I know our immediate family and the baggage that Tim and I bring in. I do enjoy your writing style!
Oh, how it helps to encase this writing in between these two Scriptures! And, of course, having read this before going to bed, I awoke late in the night and began to bring those dark things to the light. Wash me in your precious blood, Dear Jesus! For I am cleansed by your blood and stand is your presence clothed in YOUR righteousness!
Yes, you are writing for His glory! May many be blessed!
Melinda, I’m enjoying reading here; many blessings to you as you embark your career. I removed myself from the FB thread just to keep my inbox clear; I’ve bookmarked this site and will visit often. Love you, sister!
“embark ON your career” — should always remember to proofread more carefully on the computer!
Thank you, Beth. It’s an honor and a blessing to have your feedback. I intend to post weekly. I’m trying to discern if Monday or Friday is best for generating discussion.
Yes, all the horrible things that happens to a person is a learning experience. We use our hurts to recognize similar hurts in others so that we can be compassionate. But sometimes I wonder when the healing can begin. It sometimes feels so difficult.
Sometimes? For me, the healing is almost always difficult! If it weren’t, I wouldn’t grow in faith. I would be able to live by sight, rather than by trust in a loving God.
He knows exactly what we need for our refining, just what will cause us to recognize our need for him and send us running into his arms. I’m a tough cookie. And I’m self reliant. It seems to take learning lessons the hard way for me.
Part of the healing for me is learning to engage with God in a real way. Not just saying what I know I should say as I talk to him, but being real. At times our interactions sound like a lovers’ spat. At times I’ve shaken my fists at him and demanded to know why.
But he never lets go of me. Gently, lovingly, he waits for me to humble myself, to trust him, and to yield. Healing is a process. We’re in a relationship with the omniscient God.