“The eyes of the Lord move to and fro, throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” (2 Chronicles 16:9 NASB).
In these two weeks since I returned home from my whirlwind family visits and speaking engagements, I’ve been trying to recover my strength. This takes longer now with autoimmune-induced fatigue, so I’ve given myself permission to be tired.
Then there’s the change of scenery and activity. I went from being surrounded by beloved family, experiencing the joy of reconciliation and harmony, then on to a place where everyone had gathered specifically to hear me speak on the spiritual significance of God’s mercy or to hear about Refuge.
Now I’m home, it’s quiet, and I’m still worn out.
No laughter-filled days with far-flung family and no daily excited people who have gathered to talk about my book or God’s amazing mercy to us in trial. I’m so tired that I’m only getting my quiet time, marketing, and daily naps completed.
Other than the eternal significance, I no longer have any evidence before my eyes that my efforts are accomplishing anything. This is a faith-building time. God feels as if he’s with me in the dark in a different way than when he’s with me in the light.Khalid Al-khater If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours” via Compfight
During the time of light and joy in the people I saw and the family I love, it was all exhilaration, laughter, and rejoicing in what God was doing among us. Here now in the dark it’s his focused piercing eyes peering into my discouraged crevices.
Gently he caresses my face as he reminds me that he loves me the same in both places. He is just as intensely at work, no matter what I see with my eyes in the quiet of home. He supports me as I mull over the results of reader conversations earlier in the week and consider my energy, his leading, and my course of action.
In it he asks me if he himself is as vivid, real, and necessary to me as times of exhilarating human interaction? Is he? The answer is eternally significant. Is Christ alone my strong support? Is my heart completely his, or do I depend upon the strokes and praise of others? Do I?
I’m soaking in his intimacy and nearness. I’m pondering his character as I continue through Hebrews. I’m yielding, allowing him to gently refocus my efforts with my writing and to bring my flaws to the surface.
With my limited physical abilities, where will he aim me? How would he have me use my gifting when my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak? Is he leading me toward more recovery time?
Can I market Refuge, expand my platform, write fiction and inspirational blogs, and press forward with prison ministry simultaneously? If so, how? How would he have me to do it? Have I reduced my formerly workaholic workload to what he, and he alone, considers the essentials?
I am a biblical slave, a servant of the Master.
My eyes are upon him. His are upon me.
I watch and wait to learn his will.
Teach me, Lord, to walk in your path as my way narrows. Whether work or rest, show me what and how. Lead me in the narrow way. Let my heart be wholly and completely yours, dependent upon you.