Who is this writer? A mix of life experiences, tragedies, happy memories, and crushing loss. I am an amalgam, a mixture. So are you. To reintroduce myself to my readers, I am reposting my introductory blog posts, the ones that define me.
These pieces, coupled with my life story video, and my years of writing reveal the woman God has shaped me to be. This blog first appeared in December 2011.
Introducing Melinda: Blog #5
In the old home movie, I stand within a life-size nativity, trying to blend in. Among the wooden wisemen and shepherds in painted first-century apparel stands a little girl in galoshes, wool coat, and stocking cap. Studying my fellow-worshipers of the Christ Child, I attempt to strike similar poses then remain stock still. Perhaps I will be mistaken for one of the adorers of the baby Jesus, I thought. I was five. I loved Him even then.
In the pews of my grandparent’s church I sat, yearning for the One I saw in the magnificent stained-glass window before me. There He sat, surrounded by children who all clamored to be cradled on His lap. As they crawled into His arms, He held them tenderly. These children adored Him, too. His eyes were filled with love. This God-Man loved children. I was a child.
Every year, my grandmother set out the nativity. At eyeball level, I stared into the scene, imagining myself to be one of them. I wanted to worship Him.
Nuns seemed to be everywhere in my young world—in the 1950s and -60s, every movie with a devout heroine involved nuns (think The Sound of Music). Was that how to get Him? Were the black veil and shorn hair the answer?
I had to find out. A Catholic friend smuggled me into her church. There He hung before me, larger than life, arms spread wide, as if in welcome—nails pounded through His flesh. “Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Protestant crosses are empty. This one held the Savior.
Stunned into silence I tiptoed about the sanctuary, studying and reflecting on the pictures on the walls—the stages of the cross, my Catholic friend whispered. His agony wrenched my heart. I knew He had done that for me.
Alex Bobica via Compfight
My great-grandmother had whispered John 3:16 into my consciousness from birth. My grandparents modeled the true Christian life. I learned unconditional love from them. My parents took me to church every week. My bible was sacred to me. But I had never comprehended the gospel. I only knew I wanted Him.
At age thirteen I stood with a group of people, praying for some sinner. As we prayed, I comprehended the missing piece. I, too, was a sinner in need of a Savior. What? Me? A sinner? I hadn’t thought I was. I was there in church every week. I loved Him. Yet all along I knew He was somehow outside my grasp.
Within my heart, the absolute certainty of my utter unworthiness pressed heavy. Surprised at this revelation of my sinfulness, I confessed my brokenness and asked Him to be mine, committing myself to Him for all time.
I had to have Him.
And He answered. He had been drawing me toward Himself all my life with nativities and nuns’ veils and stained glass and grandparent love. I had finally gotten the message. The light had come on.
O come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord. He took the punishment that we deserved, and He made us part of God’s family. Having Him is the best thing that can ever happen to a lost human soul. He is everything we need.
How has He been calling you to His side? What did/does He use in your life?
He used the pain & loneliness of my life without Him, my futile attempts at seeking comforts of the world to be needed & desired. He used an acquaintance in Louisville, KY who had just been saved & wanted to save me. She kept quoting Scripture verses to me when we went out to dinner & a movie. I had never heard any Bible but was so drawn in by the love that was flowing through her. I wanted it.
Meanwhile my husband was devouring the life & teachings of Jesus through a Gideon Bible I had brought home for him from a recent hotel stay. Little did we know what kind of ride we were in for, but PRAISE God He rescued us!
“He reached down from on high & took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters….but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.” – Ps 18:16-19
I’m still trying to open up my heart enough to feel His delight.
Oh, and I must add. The first time you saw a nun, you were just a small toddler. Your eyes got very wide and your mouth opened to speak! I couldn’t believe what came out of your mouth after she passed. “Momma, did you see the Jesus lady?”
Nativities and Nun’s Veils Yes, I see the little girl in the galoshes trying to become part of the nativity in Tonkawa, Oklahoma. Did you know that this same little girl asked Jesus into her heart in the home of the pastor of the Methodist church in Noble, Oklahoma, and was baptized by the wise old man who asked you all the questions? That would make you 10 years old at the time. I have the bowl that he gave me that he used to baptize you. Another step toward Him. You always DID love Jesus! Step by step He draws us to Himself. Graduatlly we grow more and more like Him until one day……I think your latest post continues this story! imagine Him delighting over us with singing!!
Since I was that little girl, of course I remember. He explained the gospel really clearly; but at that point I thought when if I went up to pray they would cut my hair and I would become a nun. You might not remember me asking you about that. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take the veil. I still didn’t comprehend that I was a sinner, though. I just knew I wanted Jesus, and this nice old man knew more about it than I’d ever heard anyone say before. It took a few more years for more of the pieces of the puzzle to come together. They’re still coming together. I still want Jesus. I’m glad He’s mine.
Nice to see you at a holy experience!
“he is everything we need”. Love that!
You found me there! I read her book at the beginning of the year. Transformational! I have another post about it: “Distrust” (http://wp.me/p2yxe2-3C). Have you read One Thousand Gifts?
Thanks for sharing your testimony. I fear for kids who grow up surrounded by Christ because it is so easy for them to feel the love you describe and never come into a relationship with him. Both my sister and I came to Christ as adults, after growing up in church.
Also, I feel like the worst side effect of the obsession young people have with technology is that they won’t see the face of the Savior there. His hand is in all of natural creation, but do kids even go outside to appreciate it anymore?
Good point, Sharon! Growing up in the church is almost like getting an inoculation so you don’t get the real “disease.” You feel you’re already one of the flock, like I did. But I wasn’t. You’re so right about nature, too. God’s fingerprints are all over his creation. Romans 1 makes that so clear to us. Thanks for commenting today. I always love it when you pop in!
As a three-year old, I had you in Enid, Oklahoma, 35 miles from home,for shopping one day. Approaching us was a nun. You, never one at a loss for words, were going to say something. I knew it! Would I be embarrassed? What would you say? As we passed the dear woman, you were stunned, by the time the words came out, she had passed and did not hear your exclamation! “Momma! Did you see the Jesus lady?” I do believe you loved Jesus from the start!
Yes, I did! I still love the “Jesus ladies” too! I think it’s amazing to see how each person’s story of coming to Christ is so uniquely shaped. Every story is different. Not everyone felt drawn to Christ by the “Jesus ladies,” but I sure did. Heaven for me would be writing down everyone’s stories of the unique working of Christ to draw them to himself. I could work on that forever!
Melinda, this reminds me of my own childhood yearnings for our Savior. Except that, as a Catholic, those nun’s veils were a daily sight on my school teacher’s heads.
Thank you for commenting, Patti! It’s nice to have you! For me, the “Jesus ladies” meant the pious nuns in every great religious movie I’d seen. I wanted to be pious like that. I wanted to give my whole life to Jesus. God used everything He knew would draw me to His Son!
Patti, I had the blessing of teaching at a Catholic high school. The nuns did not wear their habits at this school, but I can tell you they represented Jesus so well! The best administrator I ever had was Sister Frederick! The year my father died, I was teaching there.
Thanks for sharing this!
You’re welcome, Kevin! Thanks for commenting!