This is an anniversary. Ten years ago, a series of events changed my life. In 2011 I slipped and tore my hamstring. That same year, I also had two auto accidents, which compounded the effect of the hamstring injury. In both of those wrecks, God spared me and my family members from serious injury. The police called our outcome in the wreck with the semi a miracle. It truly was!
I sing of God’s goodness for his sovereign protection.
I spent two-and-a-half years doing physical therapy and daily walks as I learned to maintain an even gait and to be balanced again. Two incredible massage therapists broke up the scar tissue and helped me to recover: Cat Crawford-Deriana and Stephanie Quarles.
During this physical trauma, mysteriously, my own body began attacking itself. I was overcome by extreme fatigue, chronic pain, brain fog, and other mysterious symptoms.
During this unexpected trial, I rejoiced over the publication of Refuge, and the Lord comforted me, speaking to me in a dream, something that had never happened before nor since. He reassured me of his nearness, his love, and his support, reminding me that he was always with me, especially in trials.
I had wanted to be healthy, so I could enjoy my first book release. Instead, I felt miserable with a pasted on smile. Still, I loved my work. But I needed to learn to rely on the Lord. He was in charge of the outcome.
And so, propped up with pillows, I composed novels, promoting them online while recumbent. For an active person, this was a total change. I could put on makeup, paste on a smile, and go out, shoving every bit of energy I possessed into interacting with smiles and laughter.
Outwardly, I looked “fine,” and people typically said so. But when I got home, I collapsed, utterly fatigued and unable to function for days. Eventually, I had to give up first one ministry that I loved, then another, because of my ever-increasing fatigue and brain fog.
I thank God for moving me aside, because capable and competent young women took my place and excelled.
My general practitioner was stumped, so she prescribed an antidepressant and told me to return in a year. She did no blood work, instead prescribing therapy, assuming this was a mental health issue.
I wasn’t depressed. I was sick, but the therapy was good either way, a gift from God, because, like everyone else, I had issues to discuss, and I was dealing with an “invisible” sickness that no one seemed to recognize.
Have you ever felt invisible, unseen, and misunderstood? How did the Lord help you through that? In what ways did you draw closer to him during this hardship? #LoveOfGod #GoodnessOfGod #GodIsKind Click To TweetA gift from God: A friend passed me an article detailing how millions of people were going through this same struggle. The WHO had declared it a worldwide crisis for women’s health, since nearly eighty percent of those sick were women. I hadn’t known this!
Thankfully, another gift from God: I had a brilliant specialist, Dr. Deborah Oberdoerster. When I went in for my annual appointment, she discerned immediately that I was not “fine.” I wasn’t myself at all. She wrote a requisition for diagnostic blood tests to be performed. I was to hand this to my GP and request any other tests I felt were necessary.
Dr. Oberdoerster empowered me to act on my own behalf. I had felt all alone, but now I knew I wasn’t. Not only was the Lord with me, but I had a wise and concerned physician.
The Lord provided both the article and this doctor’s affirmation on the very same day.
Finally, praise God, my GP ordered blood work! Nowadays, doctors order this type of blood work immediately when a patient presents with the symptoms I had at that time. Progress!
Three years into my illness, thanks to that blood work, we now knew that my ANA titre was positive and incredibly high. AntiNuclear Antibodies attack the nucleus of healthy cells, hence “AntiNuclear.” A positive ANA test meant my immune system was attacking the nucleus of my own cells, an autoimmune reaction.
My GP sent me to a UofM rheumatologist. Naively, I hoped to receive an immediate answer and treatment solution. But, they were unprepared for an autoimmune disease pandemic, and so after two more years I still had no answers.
But then, by the grace of God, five years into this sickness, I discovered the American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association. A diagnostic doctor they recommended worked only two and a half hours away.
Praise the Lord! I immediately scheduled with Dr. Abid Khan, the AARDA recommendation. His staff did extensive blood work and sent it off to Johns Hopkins University, the premier research university where he had trained.
Praise the Lord for Dr. Khan’s connection there!
When the results returned, Dr. Khan narrowed down the possibilities. Immediately, he prescribed a medication. His early action saved my hands from being deformed and stiffened by Rheumatoid Arthritis and calmed my Raynauds.
It was such a relief to be heard and seen and to learn what was wrong. I sing of God’s goodness! I write every day. My hands are essential. The Lord took care of me!
Dr. Khan then sent me back to UofM Rheumatology after first calling the department head. UofM performed every test necessary to determine if the worst possibility on the list (Scleroderma) was destroying my body. It was not. We could cross that one off. I praise the Lord for that!
I have a high threshold of pain, but still, to manage my pain I soaked regularly in a hot bathtub with epsom salts and baking soda, while taking the maximum dose of over-the-counter NSAIDs. As a last resort when I worsened, I then added alcohol for pain relief as I soaked and cried out to Jesus for help.
Another year passed. I’m a cheerful patient who does everything I’m told to do, but I hadn’t yet learned to be a strong and assertive patient. Then it occurred to me that my rheumatologist didn’t know how I felt. She’d never personally experienced this. She only knew what she had learned and read, not how it felt, so I had to make it real for her. This I accomplished by describing the above pain management techniques in detail, demanding her help.
Thank God! Finally, she understood.
She was immediately concerned. She had no idea my life was like that. She called another doctor into the room to consult. Immediately, they prescribed a medication that modify autoimmune disease, a DMARD. If it worked for me, my response would help them refine my diagnosis.
DMARDs (Disease-Modifying AntiRheumatic Drugs) are immunosuppressive and immunomodulatory agents. Commonly used conventional DMARDs include methotrexate, leflunomide, hydroxychloroquine, and sulfasalazine.
THANKS BE TO GOD! A month in I felt a twinge, two weeks later another, and then a sloooow but sure improvement! The DMARD was working!
I finally received my full diagnosis in 2016. Four autoimmune diseases were mixed together as Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease (UCTD). Connective tissue maintains the form of the body and its organs, providing cohesion and internal support. Connective tissue includes bone, cartilage, fat, blood, as well as lymphatic, fibrous, and elastic tissues.
This nuclear attack produced Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis symptoms, Raynaud’s, and Interstitial Cystitis.
And yet, in all of this God was and is with me! I sing of the goodness of the Lord for these blessings:
A diagnosis, so we can work toward healing!
My UT pulmonologist is now carrying on the immunoglobulin research Dr. Oberdoerster started way back when some blood work of mine looked unusual, before we knew I was not “fine.” If this research helps us learn even more about autoimmunity I’ll be thrilled! May the Lord use it!
During all of this, I realized forty pounds had crept onto my frame. I had no control over my illness, but I did have control over what I ate and whether I exercised as prescribed. Slowly, I took off half-a-pound a week. I’ve kept it off for eight years. I praise the Lord for his help with self control!
A decade has passed. On this 10th anniversary, I praise the Lord! The loudest praise is that after a decade of sickness, I STILL LOVE JESUS. I rely on him. I need him. I see his goodness every day.
Learning to be assertive was a significant part of my spiritual, emotional, and psychological growth. I’m grateful that the Lord taught me to be assertive when necessary. I’m stronger now.
I’m grateful for the enormous gift of two brilliant doctors who saw me clearly. Their belief, their trust in my instincts, and their efforts to diagnose were a lifeline.
Today, if I follow my wellness plan — PT, medication, probiotics, rest, soaking, essential oils, healthy food, and my own version of yoga — I can have a fairly normal life, enjoy my family, and even travel. I stop and rest whenever I need to. I take a couple of weeks to recover after big events.
This progress is a miracle, a gift from God! I’m so grateful for the Lord’s goodness, for this past decade has been taxing and faith stretching. Yet now, I’m in a completely different place than I was then! I will sing of the goodness of God!
Do you have an #Autoimmune or a #ChronicIllness story? If so, add it in the comments below this blog post, or Tweet your story in fewer words. How did the Lord help you through it? What did you learn? #GoodnessOfGod Click To Tweet
Just found you on HeartWings. I too have a ten-year anniversary with Chronic Pain. Just this week added Neuroma of the Foot and Osteoporosis to my long list of DX. Struggling to stay positive this week.
But I love Jesus immensely. This trial has drawn me so close to Him. He is a good good father!
My verse of the year, “I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness
in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13
I love that verse selection, Mandy! I am so sorry you’ve added some additional pain with your foot to your already present chronic pain! Osteoporosis also got me, so I can relate. “I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living” is a wonderful reminder of the truth. The verse gives such hope! Thank you for commenting.
Reading your post, I was reminded of the excruciating pain I felt before the rheumatologist prescribed a DMARD. I’ve been on hydroxychloroquine for ten years now. It’s not a cure, but it definitely helps. I do wish they could find a med for the brain fog. It makes writing almost jmpossible some days. On the days I feel like I’m going crazy, the Lord always assures me of His presence. I thank Him for the lucid days. Blessings to you, dear friend. Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging others in their journey. ❤
Gail, I agree with you about the brain fog! It’s difficult to write when it’s present. I have to edit repeatedly, even printing a hard copy to edit in pencil. My husband often proofreads for me.
When I saw my ophthalmologist for my annual retina examine, since I’m also on hydroxychloroquine, he informed me that my retinas look great but that ten years is usually the limit before the hydroxychloroquine starts to destroy the retina. Has your eye doctor said anything like this to you? If I have to switch medications after ten years, I’ll be fine with that if we can find a good substitute. I’ve only been on it for five years.
I know they like you to have an eye exam every six months. I had mine examined last month. They said my eyes looked great. They haven’t mentioned anything. Thank you for telling me. I’ll ask about that at my next visit.
Starting a new drug isn’t a favorite thing to do. My body pitches a fit. Not looking forward to it. LOL.
You’re going twice as often as I go to the ophthalmologist. Maybe that safety measure is what allows you to stay on it longer. Starting new drugs is no fun, so I hope you can stay on the hydroxychloroquine. Think about all the things we’ve learned and now know because of our chronic illnesses. There are two really difficult words to spell in this paragraph, for instance. 🙂
What a profound and truly inspiring testimony. Sometimes facing tough, debilitating pain or horrible struggles are the VERY BEST thing we can possibly experience. It never looks (or feels!) like this at the time, and rarely can we recognize it. But I look back at my most awful struggles and truly am so thankful for them—for how they brought me closer to God, to humility, to patience, to wisdom, or whatever it was I needed to learn. I know God doesn’t cause bad things to happen. But He certainly CAN use them for our good in so many ways. Thank you SO SO much for your encouragement, Melinda. Always.
Jessica, I’m glad my story was an encouragement to you! I agree 100% with you about the blessings that come from the hardships we go through. They teach us so much about the nearness of the Lord, who is our dearest friend and closest confidant. The experiences I’ve had with Jesus when dealing with my pain have been some of my most precious life experiences! He has shown me his goodness in so many ways during this illness! I’ve been blessed to commune with Jesus when in agony, for he has experienced far greater pain! Since that is the reality, the comfort he offers during suffering is one of life’s greatest blessings!
Melinda – I had no idea you’ve had such a painful physical journey. Your story of perseverance and choosing a life of praise is inspiring. Thank you for your transparency in sharing.
Ava, thank you for your kind words! The trial of chronic illness over the course of these years has been a crucible for growth. Periodically, I write about this, because I know there are people going through the same trials in one way or another, be it chronic pain or inability to be heard and understood. The lessons of suffering can make us strong and our tie to our Suffering Savior even closer, no matter how or what we suffer as we go through life. I’m grateful for the goodness of God poured out on me during this long trial of chronic illness.
I’ve learned during the hardest times that speaking gratitude right out loud is the healthiest response to anxiety and fear. Looking for it like Nancy Drew searching out a clue.
Sacrifices of praise made Him smile.
That is so true, Linda! Praise is not only our necessary response, but we actually feel better spiritually and physically when we praise the Lord!
Thank you for sharing your journey, Melinda. I have never heard of ANA or UCTD, but it sounds like what a dear friend of mine has been walking through for several years with no relief. I will share your article with her.
I hope it’s encouraging for her, Lisa. I wrote to praise the Lord, but I also wrote to give hope to anyone who might be still seeking a diagnosis. I’m praying for your friend right now! Grace be with you, and also with her.
Melinda, thank you for sharing your journey so similar to one we walked with my daughter since she was 10 years old-she is now 30. So little is understood about auto-immune illnesses and how you must live with chronic pain. Thank you for a beautiful testimony of your faith in God.
Donna, I hope you can find a solution for her that brings relief from her pain. It seems like those who get autoimmune diseases when young often have them much harder. Pediatricians aren’t aware and looking for such a thing. I hope she is in a better place now. Why we have this autoimmune pandemic has yet to be discovered.
Your journey has been a tough one. Yet, you continue to inspire and encourage others with your words and actions. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and for sharing your love for the Lord.
Melissa, thank you for your kind words! The Lord has made me to write, and has allowed my writing to continue. I write for him, and that is an incredible privilege. He is our Savior. What would we do without him!
Such an incredible journey Melinda. I am glad you have a diagnosis even if it is not one you want. I pray that the Lord provides for all your needs.
Thanks for stopping by, Yvonne. Since the Lord has allowed me to be sick, having a diagnosis of what the sickness is makes an incredible difference. Jesus made it clear to me at the beginning of this writing journey that he was in control of the outcome, and so I trust him, even in this.
Melinda, you are a shining example of someone who praises the Lord during life’s unknown moments. I’m grateful for the progress you’ve made on your anniversary of when this journey began. I have several friends (one a writer) who have dealt with autoimmune diseases similar to yours. And, like your story, they also searched for answers and were even misdiagnosed or went undiagnosed for years. Thank the good and merciful Lord, He leads us to people on the path who can help us. Appreciate the message of this article and your testimony of our great and mighty God!
This isn’t the way any of us would choose to be refined or to be brought to maturity, and yet, God, in his wisdom, has orchestrated this series of events in millions of lives all over the planet. The Lord has used this to close doors and to open doors. I’m still learning and may never be privy to the whys. I just know that I STILL LOVE JESUS, and HE ALWAYS LOVES ME. Trusting him and seeking him throughout this process helps me when I go back to seek his forgiveness and his help with past mistakes or harms, as I seek healing there as well. He can be trusted. Thank you for your kind words, Karen.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your journey in such detail! I had no idea what was involved for people with chronic pain and the reasons behind it. Your words help me to gain understanding and compassion, and of course admiration for how you have held to the course of growing in faith.
Linda, thank you for your kind words! But by the grace of God, I wouldn’t have been able to get through this ordeal and the constant need to always be aware of my body’s needs, even to this day. But God is good. He holds me together and keeps me going.
What an amazing story of faith, Melinda. It’s sad that so many doctors don’t understand. Many of them are so overwhelmed today. You’re so right. People need to advocate for themselves. God bless!
Thankfully, specialists are more aware, so they complete the necessary tests much sooner and treat quicker. This is progress. Ten years ago when I got sick, most doctors were out of the loop. My asthma specialist was a life saver. I thank God for her wisdom and savvy! God is so good! He kept my faith intact. Thanks for commenting, Nancy!
Wow, you’ve had quite a difficult road to walk these past 10 years! My heart goes out to you. It’s tough enough to have to deal with the sickness itself, but then to have to also advocate for proper care at the same time is really hard. But I’m glad the Lord led you to the right places to get things figured out through time and perseverance. Thank you for sharing your journey and your praise with us!
Lisa, thank you for your kind words. Those earliest years of sickness were definitely challenging for those reasons. I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow in strength, standing up for my needs. It was a kindness of the Lord to bring growth in that area of my life.
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