My husband read from the devotional we share together after our supper meal. Each day it brings us renewed encouragement.
“Now, there was a time when things definitely were better (roughly two chapters in Genesis), and understanding this, namely who we are as creatures after ‘the Fall,’ really gets to the heart of things. It’s not about how I might have been happier at some other time in my life, but rather about who I am and have been since my conception — namely a hurt, frightened, fallen being, who hides from God in my solutions to my heart” (The Mockingbird Devotional, pg. 197).
My husband’s voice droned onward, but I was stuck on that paragraph. It spoke profoundly to where I am right now. Most days I’m homebound. Alone, if I don’t guard my heart and my mind, I think dark thoughts. I consider my failures, my flaws, the chronic nature of my illness, the bad decisions I’ve made, and the inner workings of my heart and mind. The very fact that I get stuck in these bleak ruminations confirms that I am indeed a “a hurt, frightened, fallen being, who hides from God in my solutions to my heart.”
As my husband finished reading, I considered the kindness of God to us in our brokenness, and I pondered the healing gifts he has provided. One is the nearness of Christ in all circumstances. Another is our marriage. The Lord has used these most powerfully in my life to apply grace and healing. Sometimes he has used nature, at other times the joy of my work, and often the support of Christian community. We are each unique, and the Lord uses many things to comfort each one.
Marriage has the potential for great destruction or for great transformation and the healing of a lifetime. For us, because we met Jesus early and incorporated him into every corner of our lives together, starting when we were teens, what began as great destruction, over time instead brought great healing and transformation into our lives.
Both teenagers, my husband and I arrived at marriage selfish. Yet, over the past forty-two years, we’ve nursed one another through recovery from our childhood wounds, our broken places, and the challenges of standing together as adults.
My husband has shaped me, and I have shaped him. His words teach me, correct me, and make me right again. His commitment and acts of service heal, repair, and carry me along. He turns me toward Jesus when I’m buried in the dark considerations of my own heart. He helps me to praise when all seems bleak. He brings joy into my life.
I do the same for him. The healing is mutual.
A Christ-like marriage can be our support in a hard world as we grow in godliness, even when we’re provoked by the chafing together of two flawed and broken human beings living together. I rejoice in the gift God bestowed on me in spite of myself. I’m aware of God’s provision in giving me a man who has loved me as best he can, as he strives toward Christlike love.
By the grace of God, and only by the grace of God, this happened. Two hurt, frightened, fallen human beings — people who hide from God as we seek our own solutions to issues of our hearts — melded into one.
Yet still, no one is perfect, even in a good marriage, and so Jesus is primary. He is the rock foundation, for we are sinners overcoming brokenness, and one day death will touch us.
Jesus is primary. He is the rock foundation, for we are sinners overcoming brokenness, and one day death will touch us. Click To TweetMarriage provides a human picture of how Christ loves the church. The church is healed, repaired, and carried by Christ. Christ in us carries out this internal work as we learn to love unconditionally like Jesus and then extend that Christlike love to the other. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. The same is true in the body of Christ, within our churches and the close relationships we make there.
Christ in us carries out the internal work as we learn to love unconditionally like Jesus and then extend that Christlike love to others. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. Click To Tweet“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ 3This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:25-32 ESV).
The Lord uses community, his church, his creation, marriage, friendship, his provision, and himself to bring loving healing to us. We are all precious in God’s eyes, and he is our dearest source of comfort and love. Every human relationship has those moments when only the Lord can step in and be our support. Recently, a friend reminded me, “Trust in Him who will not leave you, whatsoever years may bring. If by earthly friends forsaken, still more closely to Him cling.” This is the stabilizing truth.
We are all precious in God's eyes. He is our dearest source of comfort and love. Every human relationship has those moments when only the Lord can step in and be our support. Click To TweetWhat has the Lord given you for growth and comfort that ended up being more than you ever expected?
How has he provided community and the best gift of himself in your darkest times?
Melinda, your beautiful prose never fails to offer hope and healing. As a friend, I wish I could fix your health issues as much as my own. But as for me, this disease is the kiln God uses to make me stronger as He teaches me to lean more and more on His breast.
As for the gift of growth and comfort, He has given me a wonderful husband and children and family. He has provided community through friends like you who encourage me through their anointed writing.
Thank you for always sharing your heart. I may not always comment, but I am always blessed by the visit! Love you, my friend.
Gail, this is so true of me, too: “this disease is the kiln God uses to make me stronger as He teaches me to lean more and more on His breast.” Without these great needs for the Savior I become self reliant. I can even assert that same attitude while flat on my back and non-functional. Trials are a continuous training ground. This is why this is a favorite life passage: “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained”
(Philippians 3:7-16).
My husband has been one of the best things God ever sent me. He sent me good friends and an amazing family. There are so many people that God uses to heal that I never even really considered until you mentioned it here.
Isn’t God good! It’s easy to overlook what he’s given. Having our eyes opened to the given treasures all around us restores our sense of gratitude and praise for all he does for us, even when we’re completely unaware. He’s a good, good Father! Thanks for commenting, Brittany.
I appreciate this post, Melinda. We do have dark times, often self-imposed and having someone who loves us is a great motivator. My wife and I went through a multiple-year adjustment from selfishness to, well, less selfishness. There were times when I didn’t think we would make it, but our merciful God kept our marriage alive and we are now 27 years into it. We understand each other and we care deeply, but most significant is we have Christ as our center. We live for Him and there is no common ground more profound than that. God bless you two.
We’re so blessed, aren’t we, Stephen! Each of us with our spouses have worked hard to grow and to make our marriages Christ centered. And, by the grace of God alone, it has happened—a miracle of grace and God’s kindness! The process of growth as much as the maturing of our marriage has brought enormous blessing. I’m so grateful to the Lord for using marriage mightily in our lives!
You write a thought-provoking post, Melinda. I love what your friend shared with you, ” “Trust in Him who will not leave you, whatsoever years may bring. If by earthly friends forsaken, still more closely to Him cling.” It reminds me that no matter what befalls us, God is kind to us, and each moment, each trial, and every part of our life points to one thing, “In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will” (Ephesians 1:11). Everyone, every event, each moment of our life furthers His will for our life, but more importantly for His purpose. I love your sweet heart for the Lord, Melinda!
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing that verse from the glorious opening of Ephesians! What an inheritance we have! And what a gift to have a God and Savior who furthers his will for our lives and his purpose for us within his great and glorious plan! It’s incredible how he works out his will for our good and his glory simultaneously! Thanks for your comment, Marcie!
Melinda, the devotional excerpt is so powerful and so are your words my friend. There’s no doubt we are born broken in every way. Yet, I never thought about how we “hide from God in my solutions to my heart.” Love how you continue on in admittance of hard realities but also note the beautiful parts of a godly marriage. Namely, how we help nurse one another’s wounds and shape each other while the good Lord is taking the lead role in restoring our hearts and shaping us to look like Jesus. This fallen world never takes a complete hold on us unless we allow it. Instead, I pray to let Jesus take a complete hold on my heart and life. And I welcome His love and healing over anything else.
You stated that so well! The Lord is building and restoring, using his many tools, including marriage, among other things. I hadn’t realized how frequently I “hide from God in my solutions to my heart” until we arrived here and I have been very much alone with my old props stripped away in a place where no one really knows me. The Lord strips me to the bones, so there is nothing between us. I see clearly now, and I can dig into many of these besetting areas.
“Marriage has the potential for great destruction or for great transformation and the healing of a lifetime.”
So true. I was impressed at my grandson’s wedding with the way they affirmed that life would at times be very hard. They committed to abiding through good or bad. They knew, as well as anyone can, what they were getting into. That’s what is often lacking when two people stand up in church blinded by the stars in their eyes.
That is so true, Nancy! An enduring marriage is a miracle. Two people, who initially had starry eyes, held on through all the hardship, unkind words, tragedies, and hurts. They rode together through the hard times that came alongside the good. When, by the grace of God, they endure and make it into something beautiful and transformative with God’s help and through the growth he gives, it’s truly miraculous.
I am thankful for God’s blessings. He continues to give me more than I can imagine. I am thankful for His love.
Yes! It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to praise his name forever!
We are so very broken in every way. But so many of us carry on like we perfect beings. We are in desperate need of a Savior to restore us. As He works in our lives, we become more like Him. Beautifully written
Yvonne, Thank you so much for your kind words. We’re all so very, very broken. None are perfect, no not one. I agree—we are indeed in desperate need of a Savior! Praise God for providing his own Son to save us from ourselves!