Another car accident. This one, deer vs. new car–the one that replaced the smashed van. My third accident of the year. A year filled with physical therapy, chiropractic visits, and a slow and painful recovery. Torn muscles now knitting. Pelvis still not staying aligned. Shoulders and neck hurting. A gait that I have to mentally consider with each step. By next May my doctor believes I’ll be 90% of what I formerly was. The best I can hope for.
But, once again, no broken bones, no blood, life spared. I’m alive and my loved ones with me! Thanks be to God! My purpose on this planet isn’t complete.
I tend to be self-reliant and arrogant. An overachieving firstborn. Capable. OCD. Hard-working. It seems this type of circumstance is necessary to remind me of my true condition. I now walk around feeling broken. Broken is what I am. Shattered. My emotions fragile. A sinner. My body a mere jar of clay. Needy every single moment of every single day.
How could I think I could rely on myself? I’m unable to function without Him. How often I go charging off on my own! Silly girl! When I hit the wall, I recollect that I have not been relying on the One who gave His life for me: my Master, the Lover of my soul, my Redeemer. I’ve been living as if I’m alone, as if No One understands me, as if I have no Helper. He has me right where I should be. Right where He wants me.
A friend reminded me today of difficult tasks the Lord gave to various servants of His: Elizabeth, Paul, Elijah, Moses. Jesus Himself when He began His earthly ministry in human skin. Tasks no one would understand. Tasks given to each specifically by God. Tasks only they could fulfill and for which they had been individually designed. Each of these went into seclusion for a time. Why?
To draw strength from the Father. To pour out their hearts to Him. To wrap their minds around who He is. To conform their thoughts to His. To bend to His will. To bask in His love and empowerment for the task. To let Him hold them in His arms. It’s lonely having a job assignment that no one else comprehends. A job that requires you to draw near to Him.
But don’t we all have that job?
I need to be secluded with You. I need Your strength. Tears leave tracks down my cheeks. I meditate on how You must have felt as everyone questioned You, not comprehending the agenda God had given You. Lover of my soul, be near to me. Not my will, but Thine be done.